so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
