no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
