how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
