I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
