I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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