I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
