It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Houston, we have a squirter
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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