My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Bring me that man meat
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
