im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
