When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
