Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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