so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
