I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
