dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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