I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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