I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
