I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
