i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
