Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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