You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
