Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
