her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
