Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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