Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
