TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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