I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
well you can't waste a boner
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
