Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
