Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
