He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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