I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
