OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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