Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ketchup is God's man juice
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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