I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You made out with two different species that night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
