We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
