He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
