I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You dont lie about slip and slides
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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