I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
