btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have fence marks all over my body
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
