Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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