i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
