i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
