Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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