if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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