thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
