the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
