Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
