3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
