Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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