You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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