Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
