I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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