I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
