I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
