Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize