it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize