After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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