Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
