I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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