i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
