I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
