It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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