I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
