And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Randomize
